Good morning,
I discovered your website this morning as I queried
“I will make a way where there seems to be no way” - I would like
your input on my situation. I am the primary caregiver for my 83 year old mom
with Alzheimer’s . I have been doing this for many years - my dad died 19
years ago. It is so hard for me to see her suffering - she is still ambulatory
with a walker but is very confused and has lots of pain. It is so hard for me
emotionally and physically. I am a Spirit filled believer but I feel like God has
deserted me - I am frightened that there are still many more years left for my
mom. She lives at home with 24/7 caregivers, including myself. You alluded to the
fact that you had gone through a long faith testing ordeal. I am praying and
asking God to make a way for me and my mom. That I would see Him move someway in
this situation. I am emotionally exhausted and I daily pray about this but I do
not see God answering in any way. I do not doubt that God hears my prayers or
that He is able. I just don’t understand what is going on. You wrote that
people that God is going to use will go through tough trials. I do not feel like
God uses me at all. Currently, I feel very depressed. Today, I am asking God to
just be real to me - it is so hard - I guess I am not trusting Him enough.
I
also was just diagnosed with an auto immune disorder.
Thank you for
reading/listening to me.
Blessings to you
Sybil
Hi Sybil,
thanks for emailing in and thanks especially for your honesty
in sharing your current difficulties. I can hear your heart and tell that it is
very difficult. My situation, and my Mum's situation was similar in a way.
My father had pretty bad epilepsy from the age of 11 onwards. He was also
incredibly difficult to live with. He had been on medication for most of his life
to try and control the epilepsy (no luck there) and, near the end of his life,
the doctors told us, 'actually, by the way, probably best if we take him off
that drug because it has now been shown to have psychotic and violent side
effects.' That explained a lot of the last 40 years or so, though a bit
late. My mother had a total nervous breakdown in the early 2000's trying to
look after him from all the pressure and I lived at home with my parents till I
was 38 because there wasn't a choice really... I needed to help.
So
I understand the difficulty of what you are saying. It isn't easy. These
things often go on longer than we would like. But please don't lose hope and
faith. God is still good in the midst of all our trials. I've been praying
for you each day since the email arrived. The Bible says that God is a very
present help in times of trouble. (Psalm 46:1) From my life I can say that is
true but I'll also say that He has allowed things to happen that are a lot
harder than what I expected or, quite frankly, wanted.
1 Peter
4:12-13 Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal among you, which comes
upon you for your testing, as though some strange thing were happening to you;
(13) but to the degree that you share the sufferings of Christ, keep on
rejoicing, so that also at the revelation of His glory you may rejoice with
exultation.
Sometimes it feels like He is close and sometimes it
feels like He is a million miles away. That doesn't matter. He works in ways
we sometimes don't see or recognize but works faithfully, not allowing you
to go beyond what you can take. Again, from my life that can be more, and harder,
than I expected. But He has been good. So hang in there. Please start to thank
Him. You may feel that things are too hard and nothing comes to mind but thank
Him anyway... in the small things. Thank Him that He cares and is and will look
after you. Wipe all thoughts from your mind as to whether you are trusting Him
enough. There is no answer to that question and the enemy likes to exploit it.
Just start finding things to thank Him for.
1Th 5:16 Rejoice
always;
1Th 5:17 pray without ceasing;
1Th 5:18 in everything give
thanks; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.
My
father died in 2005 after having an epileptic seizure in the middle of the night
and then subsequently had a heart attack and died. I was the only other person in
the house at the time and I didn't see him in the morning (when he was
already dead) so came home to find him. In many ways it was a merciful end for
both him and us. So I understand your concern that your current state with your
Mum may go on for quite a bit longer. None of us know when. But from my life and
experience with my Dad, it did go on for a long time but I also think that God
did give us relief by taking Him when the time was right. So I'll keep
praying for your situation. God knows.
One last thought. A few months
back my Mum had a God given dream. This doesn't happen at all often... Only
really had two in her life she said. But this was God given. In it she became
acutely aware that she was in another realm with the Lord. Her overwhelming
feeling was one of amazement that all the problems, all the trials, all the
difficulties that had gone on for so long, where all now passed, completely,
never to be experienced again. She said that she had this great sense of relief
that the problems of this world would never be seen again. The other overwhelming
feeling was one of harmony. She knew that she belonged in this new world. She
felt like she was at home. She looked around in her dream and could see meadows
and a river and her brother walking along the river with someone else (she
doesn't know who that was). As they came close she said she saw that there
clothing and being was glowing and vibrant with the life of God. She then woke
up.
I'm telling you this because all of us need to remember where
we are going and what the hope set before us. Especially when life is difficult.
Hold on and set your hope on the grace to be revealed to you (1 Peter 1:13)
I
hope some of this helps and I will keep praying for your situation.
Let
me know how things work out.
God Bless,
Iain.